July 25th 2011. Like it was yesterday I can vividly see Tucker and I playing in his bedroom. The night before was the first night we had slept in our own home in 3 weeks and we were enjoying not being in a hospital. I was blissfully thinking that the "hardest part" was over and took a deep breath...a sigh really. My phone rang. I answered cheerfully only to hear a somber voice on the other end. "Hi Mrs. Reeves Tucker's final biopsy came back and I am going to need you and your husband to come to my office tomorrow so we can discuss them in detail." Me: silence..."Mrs. Reeves? Is tomorrow ok?" I stumbled for my words but managed to ask her if she could elaborate. "Mrs. Reeves Tucker has cancer." I heard the words, radiation, chemo, year, aggressive as I started to cry but managed to confirm our appointment before laying the phone down as I sobbed harder than I ever thought was possible.
Friday I was awaiting the results of Tucker's MRI and my phone rang from THE number I had been waiting for. I took a deep breath and I was ready for whatever I was about to hear. I honestly was. I had a peace about the results after the MRI was done that was unexplainable. I wouldn't say that I knew it was going to be good results but I was peaceful as I waited. The anxiety of waiting had disappeared and as I answered the phone I was prepared for whatever news she had. Much like the later phone call it was a whirlwind of words that I pieced together but this time, this phone call ended with tears of JOY. "Mrs. Reeves the MRI looks wonderful. There is no enhancement and no evidence of disease." You would think that my first reaction would be to scream and shout in excitement but you have to understand that when you have literally been through hell on earth and seen/experienced things that are so heartbreaking you tend to hesitate and not let your emotions get too involved as a coping mechanism just to survive. So I honestly was quiet for a moment and very emotionless and robotic I can hear myself say "Can I be excited about this?" Crazy question I know but I needed permission. I needed to hear her confirm that yes you have a valid reason to be excited and its not just hopeful excitement but this is REAL. She said "Yes Mrs. Reeves be very excited! This is wonderful news. I could not have asked for anything better. Have a wonderful weekend with your family." I barely remember ending the conversation but I know I thanked her several times. :) I hung up the phone and sobbed much like July 25th.
We know that just because Tucker is cancer free today does not mean that he will remain cancer free forever. He very well might and that is what we pray happens. But we are not in denial that it might rear its ugly head again. However, through all this we have learned to live for TODAY. For us to come this far in 6 months is a full blown miracle. We are so grateful and we fully understand the magnitude of God's gracious blessing. Too many families will never get to hear that their child is cancer free...ever. For us to hear those words is something we will never ever take for granted. We will continue with chemo as planned for the next 6 months. The true test will be what happens when chemo stops. We pray that Tucker is completely healed. God has done amazing things for our family. It is motherly instinct to worry about your child but I can honestly say that I am not anxious about Tucker's future. God has literally picked us up and carried us through an unimaginative 6 months. Why would he stop now?
After telling a friend our amazing news she said " Amen. Now you can take a breath and start to live again." I am going to try to do just that.
