Well there is no way to sugar coat it...Tucker responded awful to chemo Friday afternoon. Before the first bag of medicine even finished he was vomiting. Vomited several times thereafter until he had nothing left to come up, but he continued to dry heave so they gave him a cocktail of benedryl and steroids to calm his little system. It worked and helped him nap but the sickness continued friday night saturday, sunday and today. Lots of middle of the night bed and pj changes and days of keeping a bucket close by. He did not play very much he was too weak. He just laid on me like a limp noodle. As I am typing he is sleeping and I am hoping he wakes feeling stronger and able to eat dinner. They gave him extra fluids today at the Proton center to help make up what he had lost these past few days. Tucker is a tough boy, he does not complain and he hardly ever crys...but he has had enough. Today I had to wake him up exhausted to tell him it was time to go to the dr. and he immediately cried and did not want his "dingle dangle" back on, did not want to be messed with, and I do not blame him.
Chemo days are a hard dose of reality. We have become very numb to the radiation process. We had to become numb to it in order to endure it everyday. Everyone at the proton center helps it be a pretty "enjoyable" experience. We talk with other families Tucker plays before and after he gets his sticker we all leave happy that we made it another day down and go on with our day. There is nothing "enjoyable" about chemo and its effects remind you...your child has cancer. Your child is sick. It is not an experience you can become numb to. I am however going to see if maybe they can switch his nausea meds to possibly get a little better of an outcome for next treatment. Everyone knows chemo is awful, we expected that Tucker would get sick from it. It just is hard to see. The only thing keeping me from taking him and running far far away is knowing that the very thing that is making him so terribly sick is also the thing that is hopefully saving his life. Knowing God has his little hand while I hold the other helps too.
This is the probably the first post that is not too uplifting and spiritual. I have to "keep it real." Cancer is not butterflies and puppies. It doesn't give you warm feelings. I get those from God. God understands I have days that are not so positive and he doesn't expect me to act like everything is ok all the time. Hopefully everyone can respect my honesty. This weekend was awful but in time Tucker will be back to his bubbly self and that will carry us to his next treatment.
God had foresight to Tucker's trials. My parents were originally supposed to come last weekend. That didn't work out but it was best they were here during our rough weekend. They were able to give us a little break Sunday night to enjoy a dinner date while Tucker stayed at their hotel. It was much needed and appreciated and came at a perfect time. It was also wonderful to see my parents after 3 long weeks. All of us drove to St. Augustine Sunday afternoon. We got rained out of going to the beach but we ate lunch and strolled Tucker around an alligator farm. He was too weak to really get into it like he normally would have but he enjoyed getting fresh air and seeing the gators.
Our family is super excited about taking Tucker to meet Mickey this weekend at Disney World. After proton on Friday we are heading to Orlando to enjoy some FUN. Can't wait!!
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:28 (NIV)
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